Tales of the Parodyverse

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Arnie J. Armbruster
Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:41:19 pm EST
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A no name bar, somewhere within the confines of the eastern seaboard of the USA. A cell phone rings. The ring tone is Nelly's "It's getting hot in here" or it could be The Beatles' "I want to hold your Hand". The owner of the cell phone is unconscienious. He past out after drinking enought aclchol to becoming metal retarded. Yes, It's Arnie J. Armbruster: Attorney at Law, Gigalo & all around drunk ass prevert.

He starts to groans as the annoying ring continues. A few minutes later, Arnie has built up enough power to answer the phone. He was still face down on the table. He didn't have enought power to sit up.

"Yello?" He slurred into the phone.

"Yeah. It am me."

"No, I haven't been drinking whiskey." Arnie said. He was drinking burbon.

Arnie sat up when he heard a fimilar name. Annebelle had returned. Annebelle was a half swed/half german super model that for some reason fell in love with Arnie. They were in love for about 4 weeks. Then, Annebelle got back together with her boyfriend, who she broke up with 4 week earlier, Roland.

So, she broke up with Arnie & he never heard from her again. That was 5 years ago, before Arnie became a drunk & got fired from the top law firm in America: Wells, Wells, Wells & Cho. The 3 Wells were not realted, but Cho was related to Wells #2.

Arnie finds out that Annebelle has just walked in the the office of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe. She was looking for him. This fact makes little Arnie stand at attention.

Arnie got up from the table & falls over because he's drunk. Gets up again, falls over again. Third times a charm, Arnie finally gets up & walks out of the bar.

Arnie has no idea where he is, or why he is wearing a t-shirt says "I'm with stupid" & the arrow pointing up. Arnie is wearing this & a pair of white underwear that according to the waist band belong to a man called Chaz. On Arnie's feet are a pair of neon green slippers.

With cell phone in hand, Arnie goes off to get back to the Dewey, Cheetum & Howe office to meet up with his one true love, Annebelle. Well, currently his one true love is Midget Wrestling. But, it's only good if he's drunk & the midget is, too. Annebelle is his one true love is above 4 feet tall!

To make a long story short: Llama/Goat sex, Midget Wrestling with Paris Hilton, Tong Blair's Thong, The dead body of a homeless man & some crack cocaine.

Arnie has changed back into his regular clothes (He is still wearting Chaz's undies, becuase none of his were clean), Arnie rushes into the Dewey, Cheetum & Howe offices.

"Snookie, where is she?" Arnie asks Snookie, the Dewey, Cheetum & Howe's receptionist.

"She left." Snookie said, then blew a bubble with her bubble gum & popped it. "You took to long. Where were you?"

"Florida."

"How did you get get there?"

"To make a long story short: Drunk off my ass, got greyhound bus ticket & woke up in Florida"

"That wasn't a long story."

"I didn't tell what I did on the bus or how I got drunk. Never punch a goat in the face!"

"oh."

"Where did she go?"

"She got a call from her boyfriend, Roland. Then, she left to go be with him."

"CRAP!" Arnie yelled. He turned around & went back out the office doors.

"Where you going?"

"I got some Crack Cocaine up my Who-ha. I know a guy who'll pay in an even 56 grand for it."

"oh. Have fun!" Snookie said as Arnie left the office.

"Thanks."

THE END!


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